Street Address: Moscow, Russia

Location: Fair

Nearest Metro:

Staff Speaks English? No.

Would I Stay Here? Definitely not.

At the Youzhni you will find some of the most pathetic hotel workers in all of Moscow.

I had a good laugh after I got safely away from the hotel, because what happened was just so pathetic and so outrageous and almost unbelievable. Here's how it went...

First impression was not good with the lobby. We approached the front desk and gave our spiel. Our mission was to see the rooms. They said sorry, all the rooms are full and we can't show any to you. Behind them are the room keys. Ninety percent of the keys were there, which meant nobody was in those rooms, since guests must turn in the keys when they leave the building. So they must have thought we were pretty stupid. We pressed for more information. I found out rooms cost 700 to 2200 rubles. But then they said they only deal with business travellers with business visas. I asked if the rooms were air conditioned. They said no and that this was a very modest hotel. They said they have been wanting to reconstruct the hotel for 6 years. I asked how many rooms the hotel had, and then another woman approached and snapped to my assistant:

"Don't tell him anything. That's very confidential!"

"Go to other hotels. Don't look at our hotel!"

"We're not interested in clients!"

Everything was spoken with such bizarre contempt... as if she were the queen and we were worthless peons. There was no softening the blow. It was flat-out Soviet old school. A bunch of lazy communist morons work there.

Back in the old days, before the collapse of the Soviet Union, hotel space was quite scarce and the hotel queens wielded their power often - rudely shooing away those deemed unworthy, saying they had absolutely no vacancies. And if someone important was next in line, maybe with a little cash payment to the hotel queen, that person would then get a room. In those old days you had to beg to the queens to get a room. All these years later, some of those gatekeepers are still working at the worst of the worst hotels, like at the Hotel Youzhni.

Boy, that encounter was so pathetic, I couldn't help laughing outside along Leninsky Prospect. Sometimes doing hotel inspections is funny. It was like something you might see in a dumb Saturday Night Live skit.

Warsaw Hotel     J    +7 (095) 238-4101

Street Address: 2/1, Leninsky Prospect - Moscow, Russia

Location: Very Good.

Nearest Metro: Oktyabrskaya

Staff Speaks English: A little.

Would I Stay Here? Yes.

* One Of The Best Hotel Values In Moscow *

I found one of the best hotel deals in Moscow. It is the Warsaw Hotel. When I saw the entrance, I immediately had lowered expectations. Then I was surprised! They have been renovating their hotel and have decided to keep pricing low. Their most expensive room is 6000 rubles, but you can get a single for as low as 2000 rubles and a double for 3500 rubles. The rooms are brand new - with AC, room safes(!), hair dryers and really nice bathrooms. The hotel is very central, and breakfast and taxes are included in the room rate! Plus, the metro is right there - in the same building! And, they have internet access available in a really nice internet room for $3 an hour! That is a bargain.

This is a quiet hotel with 100 rooms. The secret is out and they are often fully booked. You need to plan in advance to stay here.

Whoever their interior designer is - they screwed up a little bit. Everything is modern, and then they added 1930's style crystal chandeliers and classical style curtains. It is an odd combination. But besides that flaw, this hotel still has a lot of value.

It is very close to Gorky Park and the 20th Century State Tretyakov Gallery.

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